Sunday, March 22, 2015

#blogExodus: Bless






What is a blessing, anyway?
benediction
invocation
supplication
favor
grace
sanctification....

The dictionary says:

a special favor,
mercy,
or
benefit....

praise, devotion, worship

approval

good wishes

And what is it to bless?
how do we,
mere humans,
invoke God's favor?

What does it mean
to be
blessed?
To be grateful
to find divine favor
to feel that glow of

something

not quite definable
not quite tangible
not quite name-able....

what does it mean
to be
blessed?

like love, it must be felt
to
be
understood.

Want to join in? We're sharing #BlogExodus for the 2 weeks leading up to Passover. All you have to do is use the hashtag and there are suggested prompts on the graphic above (feel free to grab it). Maybe you just want to post on your Facebook or Twitter about these topics...or maybe you want to try #Exodusgram, posting photos related to these themes? I'll be posting my #blogExodus posts here, at this blog, my #Exodusgram pictures on my Instagram and also my tumblr site, imabima.tumblr.com, and who knows what else!? It's going to be a busy fortnight!

Saturday, March 21, 2015

#blogExodus: Begin






sometimes it's so hard
just to take
the
first
step

i want to be like
Nachshon....
brave
bold
daring
the first

but i'm held back
restrained
unready
unprepared
enslaved
by
the thoughts and worries and pressures

let's roll
here goes
get moving
yalla!

how did Nachshon do it?
to begin
is so hard.

and yet...here we go...
we begin again
every
single
day.

Want to join in? We're sharing #BlogExodus for the 2 weeks leading up to Passover. All you have to do is use the hashtag and there are suggested prompts on the graphic above (feel free to grab it). Maybe you just want to post on your Facebook or Twitter about these topics...or maybe you want to try #Exodusgram, posting photos related to these themes? I'll be posting my #blogExodus posts here, at this blog, my #Exodusgram pictures on my Instagram and also my tumblr site, imabima.tumblr.com, and who knows what else!? It's going to be a busy fortnight!

Friday, March 13, 2015

#blogExodus and #ExodusGram 5775

Oh my.
Yes, Passover is actually almost here.
It seems that the period between Purim and Pesach gets shorter every year....but I know that isn't true!

Rosh Chodesh Nisan is just about a week away, and that means it's time for #BlogExodus and #Exodusgram! I know you're excited for this...

Feel free to grab this image and share it, use it, post it....add it to your blogs, whatever!
This year's topics are based loosely on the steps of the Seder.  
Can you find the one that isn't like the others?

So what is this really about? #BlogExodus is really what you want to make of it. I've provided topics for the first 14 days of the month of Nisan. What you do with it is up to you -- write a blog post, tweet, Facebook, tumblr, or something that I haven't even thought of yet! Use the hashtag to share your post (I put it into the title of each post). It's a great way to kickstart a blog or rejuvenate your languishing blog or just get yourself ready for the holiday of Passover! I will be posting my #blogExodus posts here on this blog and I will tweet them out at @imabima. There aren't any rules, so maybe you don't like the order of the topics? Maybe you want to write on only a few of them? It doesn't matter. It is what you make of it. 

#Exodusgram is a little more interpretive. While I love Instagram (I'm imabima, of course), I know some people don't. So maybe you want to share Exodus-themed photos via Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, Pinterest or....whatever! My #Exodusgram posts will go up on Instagram and then be shared to my tumblr, imabima.tumblr.com. Whatever you do, don't forget to tag with #Exodusgram so we can all share. (Note for some of my colleagues: this might make a fun teen project, maybe not done over the two weeks but instead over one class period...)

The themes are really up for your own interpretation. I was thinking broadly and openly about what makes Passover special and interesting to me. I hope it will translate into creative and inspirational posts from all of us!

Are you going to join in? Leave me a comment here or send me a tweet or just...jump in!
At some point in the middle, I will probably do a "roundup" post and I will retweet all the #BlogExodus and #Exodusgram posts through Twitter via @imabima. If I miss your posts, let me know so I can go back and be inspired by what YOU have to say!

*Yes, I know that I put the Shabbat dates there. I don't blog/tweet/Facebook on Shabbat but I will post on Fridays before Shabbat and on Saturdays after Shabbat is over. You can, of course, do it any way you like!

1 Nisan - Begin
2 Nisan - Bless
3 Nisan - Cleanse
4 Nisan - Grow
5 Nisan - Hide
6 Nisan - Tell
7 Nisan - Ask
8 Nisan - Rise
9 Nisan - Bitter
10 Nisan - Join
11 Nisan - Celebrate
12 Nisan - Find
13 Nisan - Welcome
14 Nisan - Praise

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Hidden

On the holiday of Purim, we talk a lot about that which is hidden.

Esther is hidden, even in her very name. Her identity, her true self, her origins....all hidden.

God is hidden, the Holy Name not mentioned in the story even once.

Mordecai's saving of the king from would-be assassins, hidden in the King's record books.

We hide the filling inside our hamantaschen. What kind did you get?

And we wear masks on this day...masks that hide our true identity. We hide ourselves in the cloak of silliness and mirth, we hide behind the goofiness and the giddiness that changing our clothes into costumes allows.

There's a deep gulf of grief inside of me, a hole shaped like Sammy, who isn't here to see that mom relented and let a couple of Purim Carnival fish into the house.

And yet that deep gulf of grief is hidden, especially on a day like Purim. You can't see it on the outside.

"Be happy -- it's Adar!" we say.

And yet it's days like this one that make me want to sink far into that gulf, hide away, and retreat from the world. Purim is a pretty big deal in synagogue life -- we make silly videos, sing funny songs, tell goofy stories and generally act in a way totally opposite from our usual selves. Sometimes it's a total fakery, and that's part of the way that Purim works.

On Purim, we talk about that which is hidden.
And I realize that we all have hidden gulfs inside of us, deep rivers of grief and sadness, pains and problems. We all have these depths that are hiding.

On Purim, a day that we're doing a lot of "faking it" in so many ways...let's remember the hidden in all of us, and let's take that lesson forward into every day.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

No-Roll Hamantaschen

Last year, I made these rainbow hamantaschen. (I wasn't in the mood to blog.)


One of the coolest parts of this recipe (besides how they look!) was the way in which the dough circles were created. It was basically a slice-and-bake cookie (with a little more work along the way).

This year, I saw this recipe, and I realized that this rolling-out-the-dough thing could be done in a different way.
How hamantaschen dough is typically rolled out
So that's exactly what I tried.
After making any one of my regular hamantaschen doughs (Aunt Dora's, cream cheese, and chocolate -- I made one of each), I put the dough into a piece of parchment, rolled into a log, wrapped it tightly into the parchment, and refrigerated.

When I was ready to make hamantaschen, I took the logs out of the fridge one at a time, and sliced them.

Let me suggest that you give the "logs" a little extra roll when you take them out to ensure a good round circle shape. Also, I wanted them a little larger, so I used my palm to press each dough piece into a slightly flatter and more circular shape.


I was so surprised at how quickly I was able to prepare lots and lots of dough circles for the kids to fill! I may never roll hamantaschen dough again!



Each year, I like to try something new. This year, I was inspired to try this Oreo-Cookie Dough. (I tried out this dough recipe and it was good, but I would probably use one of my own doughs, and add in the crushed oreos.) I did not use the suggested filling, but instead went and found an imitation oreo cookie filling (I used this one here, and froze it before using it, to make sure it wouldn't run when baking.)

The verdict? The oreo dough was delicious. The filling was also delicious. The filling went well in the chocolate dough as well.
OREO cream-filled chocolate hamantaschen....


If you're still looking for hamantaschen ideas, here are some of my previous posts on the subject:
Great-Aunt Dora's Dough Recipe (a basic, wonderful, forgiving dough recipe) 
Yeast Dough 
Chocolate Dough
 Cream Cheese Dough
 Hamantaschen Tips and Tricks
Thin-Mint-inspired Hamantaschen
And if you don't like hamantaschen, try these Palmiers for Purim.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Struggle

I often find myself, lately, inspired by the words of Kay Warren.

For those of you who know me, you might find this quite surprising, since she and her husband, Rick Warren, are the founders of the Saddleback Church. Most of her words are theologically Christian in nature, and don't quite fit with all of my own ideas.

But then....those of you who know what Kay and Rick have experienced in the last year and a half will not find this entirely surprising at all. Their son, Matthew, committed suicide in 2013

Since then, Kay has been remarkably public about her grief, mostly on her Facebook page. I've been touched by many of her words, and while it's not exactly the same as our situation, her most recent post resonated with me so strongly.

She wrote:
But when Matthew died, church became a strange and unfamiliar place – not because of our congregation, but because of ME. The worship songs fell on my broken heart like sharp knives that cut me open even further – the words of healing and hope and victory contrasted with the bitter reality of Matthew’s violent death. The crowds were frightening and overwhelming – I could barely access comfort for myself, let alone come up with up one shred of energy to comfort anyone else. I felt like everyone was staring at me, watching my every move (whether they were or not), and on more than one occasion I climbed over friends and family in a frantic scramble to get outside before my sobs turned into wails.

Kay goes on to explain that eventually she figured out how to go back to regular services. She wrote about choosing not to sit in her former front row seat, but near the back. And eventually, she found her way back to the front of the church, mainly to support her husband, the preacher.

Her words resonated with me because, unlike Kay, I don't always have the luxury of sitting in the back. I've worked so hard over these last 400 days to be able to put myself in the front of a worship service, to read and lead the words that have been a part of me for as long as I can remember. I can lead a congregation through prayers of praise, words of blessing, and yes, even prayers of healing and remembrance. 

But I haven't found it easy to be a participant.

One of my teachers pointed out to me that these two sides of the prayer service require different muscles. And it's so true. My prayer-leading muscles still work. I can read the words and sing the melodies, and be a part of the community as I'm doing so. It's not an act. I can lead with intention and focus, even with joy.

Oh, but participating in my own right is a whole different story. Just as Kay explained about her worship songs, it's the same for me -- no matter what the prayer's meaning, I can find a way to lift it up in sharp, angry contrast with the Sam-shaped hole inside of me. I can sit in a prayer service, I can let the words of others wash over me. I can find the music to be lovely, heart-warming, a blessing. But the challenge....I find it so difficult to open my mouth. I find it so hard to have only the task of myself, my own prayer. The intention and focus drifts....leaving me sad, frustrated, angry, and empty.

Kay found her way back to her "regular" place in worship, returning to the front row because her husband asked her to be his supporter, his guiding light. Although she didn't frame it this way, I wonder if that is for the same reason that I am able to stand in front of the congregation and lead with intention. It's because my role in that moment of prayer isn't only about me. It's about guiding and leading and helping others to prayer, helping others to find their own way to God.

When my own children sit beside me, I can open my mouth and sing or say the words. I am their mother, but I am also their teacher. Even a sliver of the role helps me to find my own way in. 

But alone....

Perhaps I'm still really not on speaking terms with God, as I've often quipped to my friends.
I'm willing to help bring others along to have their own conversations. 
I'm willing to be present when those conversations are happening.

But as I said back in June, I'm still not particularly interested in inviting God back into my own conversation. And I'm continuously grateful for a tradition that defines us as "ones who wrestle with God," because I know that this internal struggle, this fight within me and this painful path of trying to find my place...this too is holy. 

This picture was taken when I was part of the Women of the Wall prayer service on Rosh Chodesh Tevet.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Where I'm From

I am from blintzes, from Crest toothpaste and kippot tucked into a dresser drawer.

I am from no eating in the bedrooms, singing all the time, comfy couches, a grandfather clock on the wall and challah French toast.

I am from building a sukkah and hoping it doesn't rain and I am from baking hamantaschen each year from Aunt Dora's recipe. I am from oranges on the Seder plate and really big Havdalah candles. I'm from Birkat HaMazon in the back of the car on the way home from McDonald's. I'm from honey cake even though no one really likes it.

I am from wearing a hat when my mother is cold and doing mental math at the dinner table when my dad asks. I'm from turning into the skid when it's icy and pushing the seat back when I get out of the car. I'm from birthday cake at Thanksgiving and sponge cake at Passover. I'm from Bubbie's pull-apart coffee cake too.

I am from stories of the Aaron family sitting around drinking coffee and eating cake, and I'm from visiting the family neighborhood at Second Home Cemetery. I'm from aunties and mandelbrot and matzah ball soup. (And I'm from soft and hard and hard-in-the-middle.)

I'm from thick binders filled with photos, from telling stories, from sharing stories, from living stories. I'm from the generations that move through me as my father tells me how much I look like Bubbie from Appleton. I'm from my Bubbie's mun cookies and a book on the nightstand. I am from laughing.

I'm from stringing a guitar and playing piano so I can get a driver's license, and I'm from cream puffs at the State Fair each year. I'm from corn on the cob from the farm stand and taking pictures at Old World Wisconsin. I'm from Door County and Madison and Oconomowoc and Milwaukee. I'm from St. Judy's Comet. I'm from swimming in the Brown Deer Pond and lifeguarding at the high school pool.

I'm from trying to cook hot food in the refrigerator (but it never works) and putting the forks on the left and the knives on the right. I'm from Shabbat dinner on Friday night at Bubbie and Zeyde's house and frozen custard with friends after services. I'm from properly passing the bread at the table and is this trip really necessary?

I'm from summer camp.

I'm from Saturday morning cartoons and Brady Bunch reruns. I'm from library books and imaginary friends and To Cast a Giant Shadow. I'm from stories of a Land I knew was mine but didn't visit until I was practically an adult. I'm from good grades or else and call-waiting and a princess birthday cake with a real doll in it. Just once.

I'm from family above all else and I'm from phone calls every day. I'm from the most unconditional of unconditional love and I'm from finding joy and love and love and joy. I'm from each day matters and making the world a better place. 

I am from blessings.


Based on the original poem, Where I'm From by George Ella Lyons, found, with explanations, here.

Inspired by beautiful words from Galit and Nina, but also from many others (links lost over the years of meaning to write this and not quite finding the words -- it's been sitting in my "drafts" folder forever). So why did I write this today? I was inspired by the work of System Ali, a unique and remarkable rap group comprised of Jaffa-ites from Arab and Jewish backgrounds. Where are we from, they asked...and this poem came to mind. This is not what I shared with the group, but what I wrote when I came back to my room later.